One year ago today, I woke up fervently thinking of Daphne.  Would she actually follow up and text me???  I paced through the morning at home, but not too long before I got the message asking if this was Noah.  Apparently, she lost my business card the night before, but looked my number up on an old phone she kept.  I texted her how I had desperately hoped she would reach out to me.  She asked me if I was still going to take her to dinner.  Hell yeah!  Of course, then she asked me “are you going to spoil me?”  Naturally, she didn’t forget the $300 I promised, which is what she meant by that. 

So I arranged for reservations at a fancy steakhouse, but with seating in the bar area to make it a little less formal.  Daphne had enrolled in college again since she moved back.  She was in her final, or second to final semester.  She had a class and was late to dinner by about 45 minutes.  I would later learn this was a pattern.  Anyways, she entered the restaurant and my jaw dropped again at her sheer beauty.  She knows how to make an entrance.  At dinner, we discussed our history over the last two years under more sober circumstances.  I pressed her more on what she was going to do now.  She was focused on school, but really was aloof beyond that.  She was definitely confused at her current state given her break-up.  One thing I always ask people I get close to is what they want out of life.  She could not answer. 

I had a great time with her that night.  I did give her the $300, which by the way, I forgot to mention is for effectively buying her off the list (as previously described) the night before.  To reiterate, I told her I would give it to her if she went to dinner with me.  I know what everyone is thinking right now, but I’ve explained this in the Preface.  Since I started going to strip clubs a couple years prior, I stopped judging the whole process.  The girls are providing something that is not readily available in regular life, and for that, they expect compensation.  Initially, I felt gross about myself.  I am a vain person and desire beauty more so than others.  It is my goal here to be honest, so in my opinion there are not very many attractive women around my age.  Consequently, I realized at my older age the only way I was going to be around beauty was to pay for it.  I guess I also always had a little feeling inside myself that I could be the one-and-only-one to transform one of these girls and engage in a relationship with one of them.  Now, I know that they know this about most men that frequent strip clubs – this is how they make their money and the power that they ultimately have.  Despite knowing this, I still thought I would be the one.  Of course, that makes them have even more power over me.

I’m sure the other thoughts out there are that I should have known who she was based on all of this.  Consequently, I’ve gotten what I deserved.  If this was the end of the story, I would agree.  However, this story needs to be told to its end to understand why I’ve been broken about this relationship.  Please reserve judgement until then.

During dinner Daphne mentioned she had to work at the club that night.  That came as a small surprise and a big disappointment, as I had hoped we would do something else that night.  She did ask me to go to the club and hang out with her during the spaces in between her performances.  Of course I went.  We had another great night of drinking and talking.  I am not an outgoing person and often am a shy introvert.  Daphne is one of the few people I could always talk to, she just brought it out of me.  We never ran out of things to talk about and seemingly just clicked. 

In spite of two great nights hanging out together, I still was not deeply impacted by Daphne.  Maybe it was because I thought I could never get to be with her under more serious terms and was creating a mental/emotional block as a result.  Sure I wanted her so bad in so many ways, but it wasn’t something that was going to devastate me if I didn’t get my way. 

I went home before she finished work.  That is really it for a little while thereafter.  I didn’t save text messages from that time, but I only recall that we occasionally texted each other over the next few weeks.  I didn’t see her again until sometime in early December, which I probably when I’ll make my next post.

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