This is a voicemail I got from Daphne on this day and this minute one year ago.  I obviously cut the names out.  Daphne and I had not started hanging out in any meaningful way yet, so I don’t know why I saved this voicemail.  It is my only voicemail and my only recording of her.

A "Sick" Lie - Pun Intended

So why the voicemail?  I guess I need to be honest here.  Daphne texted me to do something and I didn’t want to.  I had an irritated throat, so I exaggerated and texted her I had bronchitis.  I lied!  Or, I dissed her.  So, she called to make sure I was okay.  I believe she texted me that she would come over and take care of me.  It was too late in my eyes.  I no longer wanted to be around something I could never have, at least during that time.  If only I was that strong nowadays.

Another Dancer!

The real impetus for my stance is that I had met another girl a few days prior.  The girl, of course, was a dancer albeit a former one.  I wanted Daphne of course, I always wanted her.  But I knew I didn’t have a chance (so I thought) and had been dissed too many times by her.  Why was I going to put the energy into it once more…  So, I thought I would put some new effort into this new girl.  I know it is hard to believe of a man who dates these girls, but I also was trying to respect Amanda (another pseudonym) even though I just met her and we were just “hanging out.”  We had already gone to dinner, in which she was over an hour late for dinner at a nice restaurant.  When she finally arrived, I was outside smoking and she apologized then immediately asked me if I wanted to do coke off her body later.  Hell yeah, one of my dreams!  And yes, I did, on my kitchen table, snorting it right off her labia.

Daphne's Opposite

I met Amanda at the same club where I originally met Daphne; however, she was waiting at the bar as an Uber driver because she quit dancing a few years prior.  Even know it was in her past, Amanda was much like people’s stereotypical perception of a dancer.  If you met Daphne anywhere else, you would never know she was a stripper.  Amanda is not that.  I’m obviously not judgmental or I wouldn’t have been hanging around with her.  Nonetheless, I know the perceptions that are out there and I often don’t disagree with them.  A “spade is a spade,” but their stereotypical actions don’t generally bother me.  As you can see, Amanda was a wild girl – frequently partying, drinking, and doing drugs.  Although, much of that life is behind her, not withstanding the lines of coke on her naked body.  Amanda is irreverent, impetuous, and brash.  She is quite the opposite of Daphne in many ways.  It didn’t matter to me. 

I deserved to explore other options, Daphne and I were not anything at the time, let alone dating or in a relationship.  In fact, Daphne was not an option at all in my mind.  Nonetheless, her increased efforts at contact with me may have made me put my own mental hold on dating others.  This obviously did not happen and I was willing to shut down Daphne for the time being.  It would be about a month before there would be any communication between Daphne and I.

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