Daphne - The Anomaly
Yes, Daphne was part of the addiction, but only before I really got to know her. So one year ago, she was a stripper that I was addicted to and wanted badly. She was a little different than the others because I felt I had some obscure connection to her and she could always converse and bring me out of my shell. Daphne wore stylish clothes that were very womanly, despite her being in her mid- to late-20s, and high-end accessories like Louis Vuitton handbags and Gucci sunglasses. She dressed in a very sophisticated, cosmopolitan manner that often is over-the-top for the area we live in. Daphne came from an upper middle-class family (possibly even more wealthy) and was educated, well-spoken, and well-rounded. These attributes also made her conspicuous amongst the other dancers. For the most part, she just didn’t seem like she belonged at a strip club. Although, she was only slightly more interesting to me than the others until February 2018. And those feelings fluctuated substantially after all the dissing. Nonetheless, all of her unique traits (unique for the work she chose) is also why I had more interest in her than the others.
Daphne was the anomaly I had been searching for when having all those in-depth conversations with the strippers over the prior few years. I wanted to believe there were anomalies that would relate to my darker side and also with my professional persona. I was searching for the dancer that could meet my inner desires, but still be presentable to the regular outside world. As I said, most dancers live up to the stereotype. Certainly, Daphne had some of those elements as well. She would later tell me that she would get into this zone where she developed a power trip convincing guys to turn over their money and that it would manifest into her own personal competition. This really is not that surprising for a stripper. Who doesn’t know that this is what they are trying to do. If you recall, she got me many times. That time where I bought her off the list and then disappeared must have been the heart of those times for her. I could tell at the time she was different and had a huge ego at that time. Unsurprisingly, that didn’t stop me and maybe fueled my own competitive spirit…to no avail obviously. I always thought I was different and that I would be the one that they would look at more seriously. Of course all the guys do, they (and I) think that they are going to be the one-in-a-thousand that will break through and change their minds. That is where their talent shines and how they get guys, even know the guys know what they are trying to do. It is quite a skill they have. I guess I have been lucky enough to be slightly different on a few occasions or just a bigger sucker.
Daphne - The Architype
Like many of her fellow dancers, Daphne also had difficulties with focus and vision. I don’t blame these girls. They see so much instant cash that I imagine it is very difficult to think about working a regular job. That is the trap of that job. Generally, strippers do not fathom that regular jobs are meant to be a building block to something better as you grow. The rest of us put our time in. They also refuse to accept the foresight that they will age and that dancing will physically not be an option for most. I have spoken with a few in their early- to mid-30s, but it is a rarity. I will say that most of the dancers do have other interests that they would pursue if they could figure out a way to do so while not having to give up the steady stream of cash. I’ve met several that are artists and musicians. Many other girls attend trade school for cosmetology, hairdressing, fashion, and the like. Naturally, many are models of some sort as well. Daphne went to undergrad for business at one of the top 50 universities in the U.S. She didn’t seem to have any specific interest in it and it took her several years to graduate. I would often ask her what she wanted out of the rest of her life and she could never answer. To her credit, I couldn’t answer that until recently.
Lust vs. Love
Daphne was part of the addiction to the idea of being in a relationship with a stripper. She was a bigger slice of that idea than the other dancers, but still just part of the addiction. Yes I wanted her to be the one to feed my addiction, but it was due to my own shallow and vain mind. That is not love. At best, it is lust. Up until recently, I did not know the difference. I believed they were one in the same. I would later come to realize that I never loved anyone before which revealed the distinction between the two. This misperception led me into most of the relationships in my life. That would include my ex-wife. I married her out of lust, not just for her physicality but also for her exorbitant personality and for the overall excitement she initially sparked. That is not love either. After we were married for a little and our relationship stabilized, my ex-wife would sometimes ask me why I loved her. I struggled and could not answer. I did not answer because I did not understand the question at the time. I didn’t love Daphne at this point a year ago. I had yet to meet the real person within her that I would soon fall in love with. I coveted Daphne, but had she completely disappeared again at that point, it would not have mattered that much to me. Lust is fleeting. Love, I hope, is enduring.