Hello Again

January 17, 2018

I still had yet to start saving Daphne’s text messages at this point.  I knew these events happened in January, but initially I could not remember the exact dates.  After thinking about that day for some time, I remembered that I was driving around texting Daphne when my car all of the sudden indicated that it had a very low oil level.  I remember searching for an auto store to get the oil with little time left to operate the car.  So, when I remembered this incident, I looked at my credit card transactions in Quicken for an auto store purchase in January 2018.  Bingo, January 19, 2018, and from that I subtracted two days for the first point of communication.  Clever if I may say so.  It’s interesting how you remember all the ancillary events rather than the primary subject matter when trying to recollect something.

After not communicating with Daphne for about a month, I get a text from her asking me if I want to get a drink that night (a Wednesday).  For whatever reason, I couldn’t go.  I was also reluctant given the negative experiences I had with her that kept piling up over the course of our times together.  I told her maybe I could do something Friday and that I would think about it and let her know.  Something must have been going on in her life for her to reach out again.  Perhaps a little loneliness.

Forgiven Again

January 19, 2018

“Time heals all wounds,” and for me it only took a month, ha-ha, because of course I was going to go out and do something with her.  It was now Friday, Amanda and I were still just sleeping around and she was out of town, and I hadn’t seen or heard from Daphne in a month.  I was curious why she was reaching out to me.  I know I was still ultimately just a customer to her at that time, but I don’t think she was hanging out with other customers outside of the club.  I’m also pretty sure she didn’t think of me romantically or sexually at that point.  However, there must have been something attracting her to me in whatever other matter.  I think she found me comforting, down to earth, and non-threatening.  I was obviously someone she felt she could talk to and hang out with in a casual, easy-going manner.

While I was driving around looking for an auto store, Daphne and I were texting back and forth about what had transgressed in our lives since we last communicated.  She was studying for her final, final exams – the last ones to graduate and obtain her Bachelor’s Degree in Business.  I was waiting for her to ask me if I was going to take her out that night.  When my oil indicator went off, I started to get some anxiety over the car and could no longer exchange pleasantries.  Then, I just texted her “So, are we going out tonight or what?”

Sucker Again

Daphne never responded to that text.  I waited anxiously to hear back, but nothing but a blank screen.  She is the one that initially reached out to me to do something.  What the fuck!  Daphne did it again!  Of course, it is ultimately on me for giving her another chance to walk all over me.  But WTF!  I will admit that when she Dissed me before, it actually wasn’t all that bad of a thing she did, nor that hurtful to me.  It was really just a reminder that she just wasn’t that into me in the way I wanted and never would be.  And because of that realization, I didn’t think she was worth my time anymore.  I had no intent of reaching out to her again.  She was the one who contacted me, and predictably, I gave in and responded.

At this point, I deserved what I got.  Naturally, one may not understand why I would keep giving her chance after chance.  There was just something about Daphne.  While I had all these epiphanies about her place in my life, the overriding truth was that I was infatuated with Daphne.  I was infatuated even at that point in time when we hadn’t even broken each other’s walls down.  We were not close and had only scratched the surface of our personal lives.  It’s always that slight sense of hope that fuels forgiveness and irrational behavior.

However, this is written in retrospect.  At the time, that was definitely it for me.  I was never going to talk to her again, even if she was the one reaching out.  The second diss by Daphne really got me thinking about what the hell I was doing with my life.  I questioned my behavior, choice of entertainment, and my romantic interludes.  I wanted to be done with it all and was mentally pressing myself to stop with such a way of life.  It was going to start with completely extricating Daphne from my life, followed by Amanda.  Game over…

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