I don’t know. Like I said I have contradicted myself since I started writing this. My main purpose in starting this Memoir was to create a journal of those happy times, but to also provide a creative outlet where I could organize my thoughts and emotions on the separation to help gain insight and closure. Initially, I was just going to keep this a private website without external access for anyone. I actually started creating this on my local computer for my personal use. At some point, I started to think that I would make this site “live” on the web for the public, not that I thought there would be any public that would be interested. However, this was never going to be a venture to make money or to gain an audience for myself. And I don’t intend to suddenly start using social media to promote this. I doubt I will engage in any active web marketing for this blog – if someone stumbles upon it, then great, otherwise it doesn’t matter to me.
At first, I had no intent to present this to Daphne by sending her a link to this site. It was just not my underlying purpose in creating this. Nonetheless, I did consider the possibility that I would change my mind. Consequently, I wanted to have this site setup by her birthday (October 13), because if I was going to present it to her it would be then because that day in 2017 was really an ominous start to our re-connection. As of today (October 11, 2018), I still don’t know if I will giver her access, but I didn’t want to have any regrets in case I did, so I’ve been rushing to complete the front-end of this Memoir.
I’ve gone back and forth as to whether Daphne should see this. I’ve rewrote and changed the text several times to indicate my intent. But I’m not going to make any more changes, as of today, I still don’t know. I don’t know why I would present this to her. I don’t believe she will ever come back to me, but I am desperately seeking answers.
Also, maybe I don’t want to become the “Elderly Woman Behind The Counter In A Small Town,” so I am creating a memento for her to possibly look upon fondly sometime in the future. My memories of that time are all fond and happy. In no way is this Memoir intended to bash Daphne, as I don’t have any ill-will towards her. I forgave her almost immediately. For the most part, the posts will all be positive as it relates to our interactions. However, I will call her out in this Memoir when necessary, from my perspective, to keep this all honest and real.
Daphne may or may not get access to this site, she may or may not choose to read it if she does, but this site was fundamentally created for me as a creative outlet. Ultimately, if I do send Daphne the link, I don’t want this Memoir in-of-itself to be the impetus for Daphne to contact me. That is not my intent at all here. If she wanted to reach out, she could obviously have done so already. She evidently has had no desire or no need to do so. If she ever wants to communicate with me again, I want it to be of her own volition and not because of reading this. I know I cannot and won’t be the one to reach out to her first.